Have you ever wanted something so bad that it caused you great pain, anger, depression, confusion because you didn’t get it, only to later thank God that you didn’t receive what you asked for because the absence of what you wanted propelled you to a greater version of yourself?
As a young woman with three small children, I made the decision to raise them on my own because I was in a harmful situation. I struggled with the idea of being a single mother, but deep in my gut, I knew it was the right thing to do. My children were eight months, two and four; I was twenty-five.
The moment I took that first step down that lonely road, all else fell into place. I never questioned the process of how I was going to accomplish the task of raising a family. I plunged into the arms of the unknown and trusted that all would be provided for; and it was. It is the single best decision I have made in my entire life. I am grateful to my younger self for having the courage to stop, observe, go within, and change direction because not only did it alter the course of my life, but that of my children, all, for the better good.
The road less traveled may be deserted and barren, but sometimes in order to lead an inspired life, you have to choose yourself over everyone else. If you are standing at a crossroads and wondering what direction to take, don’t seek the advice of others, stop; go within. Don’t interfere; just wait. As one of my favorite scripture says, “Be still, and know that I Am God.” The answers will come, and I dare to say, you already know what to do. Perhaps you couldn’t make a decision because you were blinded by the smoke of guilt, shame, judgement or playing victim, but, the moment you surrendered to being present, (and speaking your Truth) you instantly knew which road to take.
In the meditation I did yesterday with Oprah and Deepak Chopra (Day 6) titled “You Deserve More Than Second-Hand Experiences” I was reminded to continue to walk from within, from Spirit. By attempting to live my life through the eyes or expectations of others, (keeping in mind that the “other” is a reflection of my self reflecting my own confusion) is to cast blame and renounce responsibility of my own choices. Although it took me five years to make the decision of living a life on my own with my young children, in retrospect, that decision came easy because I allowed the mother bear in me to take over and was driven by my protector instincts; that is to take care of my children’s present life AND their future. Later, when it came to making decisions for me, I struggled because I allowed my past conditioning to rule the choices I made in terms of my career.
I knew I wanted to sing, write, study, speak, but, instead, I listened to those around me (echoing my own insecurities) who said it wasn’t realistic for me to think I would be able to make it, or earn any money to support my family. And again, instead of going to the desert and finding my own answers from my Higher Self, I allowed other’s to live their choices, their lives through me. I willingly surrendered to being their avatar. As a result, I lived an unfulfilled life that was inundated with bouts of deep depression which further lead me to question the purpose of living. In between those lows, came rewarding moments. As a mother I always stayed the course and lived a life filled with an abundance of joy, love and laughter (and still do). As an individual, I fluctuated, with Everything!
After my kids each became independent, and I found myself at another crossroads, for a moment, I contemplated returning to the careers that I no longer aligned with, became angry, depressed for days, and then, tried to project my self blame on others, causing unnecessary drama. When I allowed my true voice to speak, I was able to say exactly what I wanted, which was, I wanted continue to write; believing that eventually I will earn a living from it. And just like today’s Mantra says, “Today, I am completely free of the past.” I embrace my present state, who I Am now, and surrender to the experience Spirit wants to live through me.
If you are at a crossroads, and are unsure of what path to take, before you seek advice, seek the counsel of your Higher Self, your God Self, the Great I Am, and when you feel a pulling toward a direction, allow yourself to be guided by it. Instead of trying to control every aspect of your life, go for a walk down The Lonely Road and allow yourself to be led by Spirit, lived by Spirit, so then it is no longer you pushing to accomplish a goal, but you surrender to Life Itself to have a human experience through and with you. As author Eckhart Tolle writes in “The Power of Now“, “Instead of asking ‘what do I want from life?’ a more powerful question is, ‘what does life want from me?’”